I usually retire before the Silverback I had forgotten why until last night. I was still awake when he came to bed after a skin full. He went to sleep and then it started.

I rediscovered that a snore varies in pitch and length and then it stops until the final moment before you are about to doze off at which point it starts again sounding louder than a clapped out diesel engine.

I spent a considerable amount of time wondering which would work best a steak through the heart, this I felt would work but would be messy and I would end up changing the bedding again, a knee in the gonads, again, this would work but would mean a long and painful death for me, or a pillow over the face. On balance the pillow over the face seemed like the cleanest and safest option.

I resisted the temptation to do any of the above and so I sit here bleary eyed and grumpy whilst the SB sleeps like a baby, still snoring.

We are looking for a property to buy in Cornwall so Saturday morning saw us heading south.

Once there we saw several signs for the hidden valley. It wasn't we found it. On our way out we did turn the signs round. It is hidden now.

Both of us have done a lot of relocation and so are well aware of the frustrations and irritations that it involves, this move is a little different insofar as this will be the property that we retire to and for the first time in over twenty years we do not have to take anyone but ourselves into consideration. I do not have to check out schools busses etc and I really don't care if there is a Tesco round the corner ,in fact I would prefer it if there wasn't. Having said that when on our return I told daughters number two and three were we had been their eyes lit up 'the sailing, surfing and the fit lads' they cried 'can we come with you next time you go'. Harump.

I got back on Sunday only to find that the last goose in my flock had started sitting on a nest in our absence, slight problem she has it appears demanded squatters rights over a ducks nest. I am sure that it will all be ok in the end.

Last night I finally managed to convince daughter number three that I am not a sentient being. It was easy enough to do.

On her return from school I asked, as one does if she had any homework. Yes she did and it was Geography, 'and what have you got to do' I asked feigning interest. 'We are doing a project on Minamata' she replied. My thoughts turned to buy one get one free and two for the price of one, 'does it have to be local' I asked, she looked at me despairingly and huffed in the sort of voice that only teenagers can, Mummmmmmm it was a disaster in Japan.

I took myself off to the pantry.

I finally finished digging the pond in the field last night.

When I say pond I really mean hole in the ground. Didn't Bernard Cribbens record a song about a hole in the ground?

Anyway the hole in the ground is dug, I would have liked to make it bigger but one of the geese has decided to make her nest adjacent to it, not a problem in itself, but the ganders get protective at this time of year.

Last night saw me mud wrestling with a gander at dusk, this is not a pastime that I would recommend. It's not funny (actually I suspect as a spectator sport it is) it' not big and it isn't clever. The incident did however lead me to discover that the hole in the ground is big enough to drown a goose in should the need arise!

This morning whilst trying to reply to a comment on yesterdays blog I managed to delete the whole thing. I am now attempting to rewrite it, apologies to SP!

I am a shed/greenhouse person from about May 'till September. These two places are my sanctuaries. I can go to them safe in the knowledge that barring death or disaster no members of my family will venture there, it is too far to walk and heaven forbid they might be asked to do something.

During the cold months sanctuary is a little thin on the ground or at least I thought it was until today.

We are lucky enough to have a pantry, a walk in pantry at that. I spend quite a lot of time in the pantry, I usually go in there and spend five minutes wondering what on earth I am looking for. Whilst I was in there this morning, having a serious and prolonged senior moment, it occurred to me that there is more than enough space for a comfy chair. I can hear the radio from within and it has a large marble shelf that would chill wine very nicely. The possibilities are endless, hang on is this a pantry moment that I feel coming on?

The girls went back to school this morning so that was defiantly a good start to the day.

Having spent most of yesterday in marigolds (to garden in) my hands still smell of rubber, I find this smell faintly repellent and have been pondering why it is that we can put a man on the moon but we cant make rubber gloves odorless.

I read in the papers this weekend that most supermarket chickens now contain as much fat as most red meats. Even organic chickens contain high amounts of fat because of the way that they are reared. They have become the couch potatoes of the avian world.

Talking of potatoes planted a load this weekend hard work but it will be worth it in a few months time.

I have been rearing chickens, ducks and geese for a while now, not on a large scale by any means and we have always put a few (mainly cockerels) in the freezer. They are never huge birds because they are totally free range but the meat tastes like....well chicken not some watery pap. I am now thinking that I should be doing this on a larger scale as I am sure that many of the people that buy eggs from me would be happy to pay for a smaller but healthier bird (I don't suppose that the bird can be termed healthy as it is dead)
I shall have a ponder over the next few weeks and probably set up yet another incubator full of eggs.

I have been instructed by the Silverback to blog and blog I will but to my mind blogging is a euphemism for something unpleasant that men do in public lavs and if it isn't it should be.

I struggle with computers in and so when writing these things find myself publishing them when I thought that I was saving them to spell check at a later date or deleting them. As far as I can see I have two options;

1. Boil my head
2. Persevere.

I shall persevere until I either get it right or self destruct whichever happens soonest. Having just deleted (I think) this lot from Sundays post the self destruct may well come first. Arghhhhh

One of my hens died last night. Dropped off its perch so as to speak, ther eis nothing remarksble in that chickens frequently die for no good reason (no9t the same chicken obviously)what made me laugh out loud was the fact one of the cockrels tried his damndest go give her one. Necrophilia is alive (or not) and ckicking in the chicken world.

I finally got the chicks from the dining room out into the shed hurrah any one fancying supper round here can now eat without fear of being roosted upon.

I have just spent two days taking two steps backwards and one step forward in fact some of the time has been spent just taking the steps backwards but today will be different.

The weather has changed back to damp, dreary and cold consequently I now have a dining room full of chicks they will go out in the shed at the weekend come hell or high water I want my dining room back. The chickens are holding it to ransom and it's time to fight back. Tough on crime tough on the causes of crime, as they say.

I lost my cherry during the week, several in fact. I knew that it had to happen. They rolled under the freezer which entailed me groveling around on the floor wearing marigolds.
You find the most unexpected things under a freezer I am surprised that some enterprising student hasn't yet done a dissertation on it. The only good thing to come out of the whole experience was that the Silverback was able to have a little tart that evening which pleased him no end.

The girls are still on their Easter break,so far there has been no bloodshed but minor skirmishes break out on a daily basis, they go back to school on Monday yippee!

I have been collecting computers for schools vouchers for the girls which is just as well, their school has been broken into for the third time since Christmas and the computers stolen. Oh the joys of living in a town.

We have just booked a two week holiday for eldest daughter and I. We are going to Goa rather that Bognor so two weeks of sun sea and sand it is.