Life Sucks

Nintendo are a clever bunch. They aren't satisfied with corrupting kids minds with their inane games but now they are after the other end of the market. 'You are so stupid Grandad that you need to keep your mind awake with brain training and eye training and any other training that we can think of..'

What's next.

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A japanese scientist has discovered that your hand coordination and bladder control suffers as you get older. (No shit sherlock)

'Pii Trainer' from Sintendo counteracts this with daily exercises. Using the stylus you must keep the flow of urine in the bowl. Any splashes will incur the displeasure of your good lady. By blowing into the microphone you can stem the flow and strengthen muscles you never knew existed.

It seems that the government spent £10000 last year buying playstation and xbox consoles for prisons.

Oh - My - God.

If I smash a few windows will they buy me a Nintendo DS.

I would torch the neighbours garden shed if it would guarantee me a Wii...

You know when I was a boy you could buy a bike for a penny and still have change for rickets. No but seriously though, I can remember longing to be 16, 18 and 21 then after that dreading 25, 30 and 40. Now I am racing towards a new age bracket - Over 50's.

It seems that once you get to this magic age that you get your own adverts and your champions are no longer Johnny Rotten and Malcolm Mclaren but rather Gloria Hunniford, June Whitfield and Parkinson. I can look forward to not having to walk up stairs, having a bath that I can walk into and making sure that my family are well cared for when I peg it.

Once you are over 50 you get free gifts for taking out life insurance - cool.

You get to retire from your meaningful IT career and become a 'silver surfer' trainer. That touch of grey in your sideburns gains you respect with the over 60s.

I am not ready to go peacefully into the darkness of the over 50s club. But then you run the risk of being one of those sad oldies that you used to laugh at when you were a kid. 'Look at that old fart, 60 and still going to raves...' It was a disco in my day sonny...

More and more, as an IT person, I am seeing people set up web versions of their work emails or they buy devices so that they can read their work emails when they are on holiday. WHY?

There have always been people that did this in the past. Director, Chairman, Senior Managers etc and you could argue that on their salary that they should be always contactable. However, this phenomenon is spreading to lower managers and even non management staff. Will your company collapse if you miss an email when you are off for a week? I very much doubt it. All that is achieved is you spoil your holiday, your families holiday, you don’t de-stress and you start work at the same level of stress that you were before you left.

The only advantage gained from this vile practice is that you don’t come back to 2-3 hundred emails. You say to yourself, ‘Great, I can start working right away, without catching up on emails’. That used to be the best thing about coming back, your boss would allow you a day to get back up to speed. You have just shortened your holiday by one day - asshole.

Let me tell you something that may come as a surprise. You aren’t that important. You are only that important in your own mind. In your mind you are Chairman, Chief Exec and Board all rolled into one godlike super hero. In their eyes you’re expendable, even if you are an arse licking email swot. Your kids will hate you when you’re old for spoiling their holidays and you will probably die young from stress.

Trust me your company does not pay you enough for that kind of grief. Replace that blackberry with a fine wine and sit back and smell the roses.

I think you reach a point in life when fashion just passes you by. Either I have reached that point or designers are losing the plot. Isn't the idea of designing clothes to make a statement about ones self, to look good, to feel sexy etc.

If all you can buy are low cut trousers and cropped tops then even a normal shaped person is going to have a spare tyre bulging out in the gap that they create.

You have to be size zero or 12 years old to look right in these clothes. The other 99% of the population just looks like Patrick, from Spongebob, squeezed into a pair of Speedos.

Again it may be an age thing but I like women to have a bit of meat on them. Women were not designed to be boney. But I like that extra flesh to be evenly spread out and looking voluptuous and not squeezed and excreted out into a 6 inch doughnut for the whole world to see.

Some day women will cotton on to the fact that clothes designers hate them for not being skinny boys and therefore design clothes to make them look unattractive.

Gok Wan may have got it right with the aptly titled 'How to Look Good Naked' as you probably have a better chance of looking good naked than by wearing current fashions.